The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old.

I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let him know.
Old Age, I decided, is a gift.
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body . the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or
play on the computer until 4 a.m, and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's,
and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten . and I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no," and mean it. I can say "yes." and mean it.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

Gentle thoughts for today...

Gentle thoughts for today...

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

A penny saved is a governmental oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice:The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice:When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs”

p.s. Okay, so maybe they're not all such gentle thoughts........but you got a smile out of it, didn't you?

Crazed Squirrel Assaults Man on Motorcycle

Crazed Squirrel Assaults Man on Motorcycle

I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.
It was a squirrel and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close! . I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle; but a squirrel should pose no danger to me.
I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!
Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes. His mouth opened; and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Bonzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular. He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!
Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.
And losing...
I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there.
It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!
Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of! a Valkyrie can only have one result.
Torque.
This is what the Valkyrie is made for; and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared, and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in - well, I just plain screamed.
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back.
The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.
With the sudden acceleration, I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike.
This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices; but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle. My brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.
About this time, the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death); and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment); so her front end started to drop.
Now, picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now, the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.
Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked - sort of.
Spectacularly sort of ...so to speak.
Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly, a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throw! was a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.
I heard screams.
They weren't mine.
I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. Except for two things.
First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.
So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway.
That was one thing. The other?
Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car, but it was all his.
I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And awhole lot of Band-Aids.

Little Green Snake

Little Green Snake
probably not true but a definately good story...
**************************************************

Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous, Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.

About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed his rear end. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. An ambulance was again called and it was determined that the injury required hospitalization.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. They called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch, One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire.

Meanwhile the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing. Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire-truck had started raising his ladder as they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area.

Time passed . . .

Both men were discharged from the hospital, The house was re-built. The police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world . . .

About a year later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

She shot him.

Memo From Your Higher Power

Memo From Your Higher Power

Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you, to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize if this causes any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. I know, I already gave you the 10 Commandments. Keep them. But follow these 10 new guidelines also.

1. QUIT WORRYING (If I wouldn't know better, I would think you like it) Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... Your Higher Power. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME (I made a tree from nothing, didn't I?) Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none. I put you in people's lives to do that, and I put people in your lives for them to share with you.

8. BE PATIENT I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors but also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong.

You are very precious to me.

Don't ever forget that!

With all My heart,

I LOVE YOU!

GOD

They need help

opsandbox@wmconnect.com
Subject: We need your help!! ( From Operation Sandbox Forum )
Date: Thu, 10 Mar 2005 08:08:30 -0500
We have had hundreds of new soldiers signing up! We had one group of 700!!
PLEASE help me!
We need to contact schools and churches, we have soldiers wanting mail from schools and scout troops!
Call your radio stations and newspapers! Tell them about your experience!!
The third deployment has begun and we are having soldiers tell the new ones about our dedication!!
WE NEED HELP!! If OSB is going to continue we need to recuit more adopters!
Here is a sample of the requests we have recieved:
Hello Vicki, let me first thank you for your e-mail. And I also want to thank you for all that you do for the deployed soldiers. I am a soldier deployed to Kuwait for a year. My base is only XX miles from the Iraqi border. I should hopefully be back by Jan 2006. My work here mostly has to do with Military Pay and Finance. We are in need of Tactical items such as Wiley-Xs, Under Armour, CamelBaks, JE Kneepads and other tactical items. We are a finance unit deployed to Kuwait therefore we were not issued any of these items. But it's all still necessary here. Other than that just items to boost morale such as DVDs, books, phone cards, snacks, etc. would also be great. I do love watching Hollywood movies. It is the best way to relax and get much needed enjoyment here. I also have few soldiers here that are from an Indian background, myself including, so if it is at all possible to get hold of some Bollywood (Hindi) movies, it would be great. Also I would love to be the point of contact for the kids from schools that would like to adopt the soldiers from my unit.
Once again I would like to thank you and want you to know that all your help and efforts is very much appreciated.
Very Respectfully,
Sgt. XXXX
We need to spread the word, encourage friends and family to adopt, and seek donations !
Thank You for everything each of you do, it does not go unappreciated!!

Carl's Garden

Carl was a quiet man. He didn't talk much. He would always greet you with a big smile and a firm handshake Even after living in our neighborhoodfor over 50 years, no one could really say they knew him very well.Before his retirement, he took the bus to work each morning. The lone sight of him walking down the street often worried us. He had a slight limpfrom a bullet wound received in W.W.II. Watching him, we worried that although he had survived W.W.II, he may not make it through our changing uptown neighborhood with its ever-increasing random violence, gangs, and drug activity.When he saw the flyer at our local church asking for volunteers for caring for the gardens behind the minister's residence, he responded in hischaracteristically unassuming manner. Without fanfare, he just signed up.He was well into his 87th year when the very thing we had always feared finally happened. He was just finishing his watering for the day when three gang members approached him. Ignoring their attempt to intimidate him, he simply asked, "Would you like a drink from the hose?" The tallest and toughest-looking of the three said, "Yeah, sure," with a malevolent little smile. As Carl offered the hose to him, the other two grabbed Carl's arm, throwing him down. As the hose snaked crazily over the ground, dousing everything in its way, Carl's assailants stole his retirement watch and his wallet, and then fled.Carl tried to get himself up, but he had been thrown down on his bad leg He lay there trying to gather himself as the minister came running to help him. Although the minister had witnessed the attack from his window, he couldn't get there fast enough to stop it. "Carl, are you okay? Are you hurt?" the minister kept asking as he helped Carl to his feet. Carl just passed a hand over his brow and sighed, shaking his head."Just some punk kids. I hope they'll wise-up someday." His wet clothesclung to his slight frame as he bent to pick up the hose. He adjusted the nozzle again and started to water. Confused and a little concerned, the minister asked, "Carl, what are you doing?" "I've got to finish my watering. It's been very dry lately," came the calm reply. Satisfying himself that Carl really was all right, the minister could only marvel. Carl was a man from a different time and place.A few weeks later the three returned. Just as before their threat was unchallenged. Carl again offered them a drink from his hose. This time theydidn't rob him. They wrenched the hose from his hand and drenched him head to foot in the icy water. When they had finished their humiliation of him, they sauntered off down the street, throwing catcalls and curses, falling over one another laughing at the hilarity of what they had just done. Carl just watched them. Then he turned toward the warmth giving sun, picked up his hose, and went on with! his watering. The summer was quickly fading into fall. Carl was doing some tilling when he was startled by the sudden approach of someone behind him.He stumbled and fell into some evergreen branches As he struggled to regain his footing, he turned to see the tall leader of his summer tormentors reaching down for him. He braced himself for the expected attack."Don't worry old man, I'm not gonna hurt you this time." The young manspoke softly, still offering the tattooed and scarred hand to Carl. As he helped Carl get up, the man pulled a crumpled bag from his pocket and handed it to Carl.What's this?" Carl asked. "It's your stuff," the man explained. "It's your stuff back. Even the money in your wallet." "I don't understand," Carlsaid. "Why would you help me now?"The man shifted h is feet, seeming embarrassed and ill at ease. "I learned something from you," he said. "I ran with that gang and hurt people like you. We picked you because you were old and we knew we could do it. But every time we came and did some thing to you, instead of yelling and fighting back, you tried to give us a drink. You didn't hate us for hating you. You kept showing love against our hate." He stopped for a moment "I couldn't sleep after we stole your stuff, so here it is back." He paused for another awkward moment, not knowing what more there was to say. "That bag's my way of saying thanks for straightening me out, I guess." And with that, he walked off down the street.Carl looked down at the sack in his hands and gingerly opened it. He took out his retirement watch and put it back on his wrist. Opening his wallet, he checked for his wedding photo. He gazed for a moment at the young bride that still smiled back at him from all those years ago.He died one cold day after Christmas that winter. Many people attendedhis funeral in spite of the weather. In particular the minister noticed a tall young man that he didn't know sitting quietly in a distant corner of the church. The minister spoke of Carl's garden as a lesson in life. In avoice made thick with unshed tears, he said, "Do your best and make your garden as beautiful as you can. We will never forget Carl and his garden."The following spring another flyer went up. It read: "Person needed tocare for Carl's garden." The flyer went unnoticed by the busy parishioners until one day when a knock was heard at the minister's office door. Openingthe door, the minister saw a pair of scarred and tattooed hands holding theflyer. "I believe this is my job, if you'll have me," the young man said.The minister recognized him as the same young man who had returned thestolen watch and wallet to Carl. He knew that Carl's kindness had turned this man's life around. As the minister handed him the keys to the garden shed, he said, "Yes, go take care of Carl's garden and honor him."The man went to work and, over the next several years, he tended the flowers and vegetables just as Carl had done. In time, he went to college, got married, and became a prominent member of the community. But he never forgot his promise to Carl's memory and kept the garden as beautiful as he thought Carl would have kept it. One day he approached the new minister and told him that he couldn't care for the garden any longer. He explained with a shy and happy smile, "My wife just had a baby boy last night, and she's bringing him home on Saturday.""Well, congratulations!" said the minister, as he was handed the garden shed keys. "That's wonderful! What's the baby's name?"

"Carl," he replied

worthy cause!!!

http://www.operationsandbox.com/

Operation Sandbox is composed of a group of individuals from all across the U.S. who are dedicated to the support and welfare of soldiers deployed overseas.

Stress Management

Stress Management

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."
"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."
"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can." "Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short Enjoy it!


And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today..........I did

;-)

Hands

Your Hands

An old man, probably some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the park bench. He didn't move, just sat with his head down staring at his hands. When I sat down beside him he didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if he was ok.Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting to check on him at the same time, I asked him if he was ok. He raised his head and looked at me and smiled."Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," he said in a clear strong voice."I didn't mean to disturb you, sir, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were ok?" I explained to him."Have you ever looked at your hands?" he asked. "I mean really looked at your hands."I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point he was making.Then he smiled and related this story:" Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child mymother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They dried the tears of my children and caressed the love of my life.They held my rifle and wiped my tears when I went off to war. They have been dirty, scraped, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They wrote the letters home and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse and walked my daughter down the aisle. Yet, they were strong and sure when I dug my buddy out of a foxhole and lifted a plow off of my best friends foot. They have held children, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand. They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body.They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer. These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of my life. But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And He won't care about what these hands look like but what they have done. What He will care about is to whom these hands belong and how much these hands have helpedothers. With these hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of God. "No doubt I will never look at my hands the same again.I never saw the old man again after I left the park that day but I will never forget him nor the words he spoke. When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children or my husband, I think of the man in the park. And I thank God for my hands.

A PET'S PRAYER

Sadly, the inevitable does happen.We hope the following might help a little:

If it should be,that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then, you must do what must be done,
For this, the last battle, can't be won.
You will be sad, I understand,
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer, so,
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me to the end,
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know, in time you will see,
It is a kindness you do to me,
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Don't grieve it should be you,
Who decides this thing to do,We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
Smile, for we walked together,For a little while.

Anonymous

The Rescuer

The Rescuer

Unlike most days at Rainbow Bridge, this day dawned cold and gray, damp as a swamp and as dismal as could be imagined. All of the recent arrivals had no idea what to think, as they had never experienced a day like this before. But the animals who had been waiting for their beloved people knew exactly what was going on and started to gather at the pathway leading to The Bridge to watch. It wasn't long before an animal came into view, head hung low and tail dragging. The other animals, the ones who had been there for awhile, knew what his story was right away, for they had seen this happen far too often. He approached slowly, obviously in great pain, but with no sign of injury or illness. Unlike all of the other animals waiting at The Bridge, this animal had not been restored and made healthy and vigorous again. As he walked toward The Bridge, he watched all of the other animals watching him. He knew he was out of place here and the sooner he could cross over, the happier he would be. But, alas, as he approached The Bridge, his way was barred by the appearance of an Angel who apologized, but told him that he would not be able to pass. Only those animals who were with their people could pass over Rainbow Bridge. With no place else to turn to, the animal turned towards the fields before The Bridge and saw a group of other animals like himself. They weren't playing, but rather simply lying on the green grass, forlornly staring out at the pathway leading to The Bridge. And so, he took his place among them, watching the pathway and waiting. One of the newest arrivals at The Bridge didn't understand what he had just witnessed and asked one of the animals that had been there for awhile to explain it to him. "You see, that poor animal was homeless. He was turned in to a Humane Society just as you see him now, an older animal with his fur graying and his eyes clouding. Sometimes the animals are young, but scared and confused, because they never had a chance to live. Sometimes they are heartbroken because they don't know why their family left them. They never made it out of the Humane Society or Shelter and passed on with only the love of a rescuer to comfort them as they left their earthly existence. Because they had no family to give their love to, they have no one to escort them across The Bridge." The first animal thought about this for a minute and then asked, "So what will happen now?" As he was about to receive his answer, the clouds suddenly parted and the gloom lifted. Approaching The Bridge could be seen a single person and among the animals, the whole group of homeless animals was suddenly bathed in a golden light and they were all young and healthy again, just as they were in the prime of life. "Watch and see," said the second animal. A second group of animals from those happily waiting at The Bridge came to the pathway and bowed low as the person neared. At each bowed head, the person offered a pat on the head or a scratch behind the ears, a whispered familiar name. The newly restored animals fell into line and followed him towards The Bridge. They all crossed The Bridge together. "What happened?" "That was a rescuer. The animals you saw bowing in respect were those who found new homes because of his work. They will cross when their new families arrive. Those you saw restored were those who never found homes. When a rescuer arrives, they are allowed to perform one, final act of rescue. They are allowed to escort those poor animals that were homeless on earth across The Rainbow Bridge."

i believe that there are those how pray for and aid the wee lost ones too will be allowed to cross the bridge with them...

Hmmmm

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
Honk if you love peace & quiet.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

The things that come to those who wait are usually the things left by those who got there first.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

NOT A HOAX!!!!!

Most of you have read the scare mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. While that was an "urban legend", this is not. It's happening everywhere, every day. Please share this warning with your friends. It's happened to me, and you may already be a victim! My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd a few years ago. It was that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been truly, if not imperfectly, mine? Whose thighs were these? What happened to mine? I spent the entire summer searching for them. I looked, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere that I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. I had nightmares filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to bumps in the night.
Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and control tights. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My bum was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new bum (although badly attached at least three inches lower than the Original) to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my bum complements my legs, lump for miserable lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would remain in style. Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while fixing my hair, I watched, horrified but fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arm swung to and fro with the motion of a hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly one section at a time. In the end, in deepening despair, I gave up my t-shirts. What could they do to me next? Age? Age had nothing to do with it! Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked! Repeatedly and without warning. That's why I've decided to! share my story. Women of t he World Wake Up and Smell the Coffee!! That isn't really "plastic" those surgeons are using! You can look in the mirror and know where they are getting their replacement parts! The next time you hear that someone has had a "face lift" look closely---was it lifted from you??? Check out those tummy tucks and buttock lifts. Look familiar? Are those your eyelids over there? I think I have finally found my thighs...and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid good money for them!! This is not a HOAX! This is happening to women all over the world. Share this warning with the women you care about.

Cowboy's Guide to Life

Cowboy's Guide to Life..........

* Your fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

* Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb,but how well you bounce.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered - not yelled.

* Meanness doesn't just happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You can NOT unsay a cruel word........

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.....

* Don't squat down with your spurs on.

* Don't judge people by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life.Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance

* It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.

* The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

* It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

* Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with; watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

* Only cows know why they stampede.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every nowand then to make sure it's still with ya.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta thatcomes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is'till they get thumped'.

* Never, Never - miss a good opportunity to shut up.

Wrapping a gift with a cat in the house.

Wrapping a gift with a cat in the house.
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet, collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
4. Go to cabinet and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cabinet.
6. Go to drawer and collect tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while getting tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of scissors.
20. Seal paper down with tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in a bathroom, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. Pretend you included cat as a joke when it jumps out after recipient unwraps present.

24 Things to Always Remember. . .and One Thing to Never Forget

1. Your presence is a present to the world.
2. You're unique and one of a kind.
3. Your life can be what you want it to be.
4. Take the days just one at a time.
5. Count your blessings, not your troubles.
6. You'll make it through whatever comes along.
7. Within you are so many answers.
8. Understand, have courage, be strong.
9. Don't put limits on yourself.
10. So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
11. Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
12. Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize.
13. Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
14. The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets.
15. Don't take things too seriously.
16. Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.
17. Remember that a little love goes a long way.
18. Remember that a lot . . . goes forever.
19. Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
20. Life's treasures are people . . . together.
21. Realize that it's never too late.
22. Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
23. Have health and hope and happiness.
24. Take the time to wish upon a star.
And don't ever forget . . .For even a day . . .How very special you are.

one mother

One mother waits for her child to come home,
Another mother watches her child prepare to leave.
One mother crosses off another month from the calendar,
Another mother begins to cross the days off.

Both mothers hold their tears,
Burning fear haunts their every night.
These mothers have sent ones dear to her heart,
To fight a war in a land far away.

One mother, flies her flags high with pride,
Another mother just watches the terrible news.
One more mother prays without end,
Some other mother acts like she doesn’t care.

One mother sends out love in each box sent,
To more than just her child.
One mother has become mother to many,
Children of her heart - not from below it.

One mother will stand faithfully waiting,
With love burning brightly in her heart.
One mother waiting for the day,
That her child comes home - forever changed.

One mother doesn’t understand the horrors seen,
Another mother knows to well the horrors survived.
Both mothers will strive to comfort their pain,
Their children stained forever with the war.

One and another mother watches the news,
Seeing the horrors dance in color in the living room.
Both mothers listen with fear,
One soldier injured another one dead.

One mother guiltily cries in relief,
Another mother cries with soldiers at her door.
One mothers arms are empty until they return,
Another mothers arms will ache... holding a folded flag.

all mine

WARTIME LOVE
She met him fresh off the plane,
The soldier- raw from the war.
There was a spark
In their touch
Even dad saw that much.
He in one state,
she alone in another.
Late night phone calls’ to each other
I.M.’s and Emails too
Apart they felt so lonely and blue.
Come to me he asked.
To his side, she went.
Side by side they lived.
Then the call came from Uncle Sam
Back to war young man.
He couldn’t leave his love alone.
With out his ring on her finger.
His love in her soul.
Marry me girl,
Be my love forever.
His bride she became
Her dreams come true.
His love made her
More beautiful than before.
Then he readied to leave for the war.
(chorus)
Daddy, I’m afraid, she called,
These feelings so new…
This love shines so true.
What shall I do?
I don’t want to be alone.
I need his touch
It‘s not asking much…

His body walked upon the plane,
His heart with her remained.
To a war torn land
She stood strong for them.
But her heart left with him.
A world away he was
Yet their hearts still beat as one
Oh! To be home together again.
Each dreaming of his return
In each others arms, they yearn.

Hmmmm

i found this. it touched me.


You Don't Know Me
Although you don't know me, every day, I think of you. I worry about your safety and I pray for you, too. Although you don't know me, and my face you've never seen, Although you don't know me, please know that I care. Though strangers, we are family in the beliefs that we share. Although you don't know me, I know the work that you are doing and the pride in our country that you are renewing. Although you don't know me, you have my utmost respect for it's the future of my children you are there to protect. Although you don't know me and we've never met, the gift that you're giving is one I'll never forget. Although you don't know me, many tears I have cried as I try to imagine what you're feeling inside. Although you don't know me, while you're there and I'm here I'll ask God to watch over each brave volunteer. Although you don't know me, my heart beats with hesitation, when I hear you are being deployed to and "undisclosed location." Although you don't know me, I know the fears you must hide for a soldier in a uniform is bravery, exemplified. Although you don't know me, please know by this poem that I'll pray for you faithfully until your safe return home. Although you don't know me, you make me one proud civilian, but you need to know today that I'm only one....in a million!
by Linda Ellis copyright 2001

time... and war.. idle thoughts..

One of the church ladies I know (awanas) she has her k-3 kids doing pictures too.. one of her little boys wrote.. " dear soldier if you are not dead when you get this I hope you stay safe" my friend took it out, but I told my son about it and he specifically asked for it.. kind of a morbid humor thing over there.. the thing that stuck me was death and war was a terrible reality to this child... I only hope that someone talked this over with the child.. I remember growing up in the 60's... and how the war (Viet Nam) seemed so real and yet so impossible I really didn't understand and no one took the time to teach me... what I knew of war was what TV taught me. I had no one I knew in the war. it only touched me via the TV. Looking back now, with Kent state and the hippie flower power thing. the press lead me as a young child to believe the b.s. they spouted.
War is atrocious. I feel no one should have to bury a loved one from such conflicts.. and in an ideal world it wouldn't happen, but our world is not ideal by a long stretch of the imagination. mothers and fathers arms ache for the emptiness, spouses shed tears on their pillows, children don't understand why their parent(s) can't be with them. why???? because that loved one gave their life so someone would be free from fear. that is why we have wars... so people don't have to live in fear... fear of death, torture, oppression, poverty, terror, the list goes on... what our forefathers did in the revolutionary war and every war afterwards was so we did not have to live in fear. people argue that the real reason for Viet Nam was mineral rights and the war on terror is to get control of oil rights... and to the high and mighty it might be so... but ask a Vietnamese national who lives in the US now , what happened to them after we pulled out? why did they risk their lives in leaky sieves of boats to get to live here. ask the Iraqi people what happened when we pulled out in 92 (or 91)? war offers freedom from fear to our future generations. our loved ones blood is our gift to the future of the freedom from fear.
This is what I wish someone had took the time to teach me way back then..

we've come a long way baby...

ROTFLMAOAPMP.........

The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Mass Transportation. It was written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II. ========================================================

Eleven Tips on getting more efficiency out of women employees: There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:
1) Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.
2) When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.
3) General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavyside - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.
4) Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.
5) Stress at the outset the importance of time - the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.
6) Give the female employee a definite daylong schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.
7) Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.
8) Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.
9) Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive, they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.
10) Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.
11) Get enough size variety in operators uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too strongly as a means of keeping women happy, according to Western Properties.

my blog by the crazy lady

what does my url title mean? itrieshards. it can be broken up and the words "i tries hards" come out. or i trie shards. it is just a place to be me and post wisdoms and whimsies. i don't care what anyone thinks. if i will share this with anyone i know. you anonymous reader have the truths within yourself. what amuses me may offend or bore you. oh freaking well.

i tries.

i tries hards.

for whats?

shards........